Everybody Poops, and then some.

My eldest brother, Jordan, once told me that he had this really weird friend who had sent him the link to a video of this girl reading a book called, Everybody Poops.

My first reaction was, “WELL DUH EVERYBODY POOPS!”

His first reaction was, “SHE IS SO WEIRD!”

(^ Arcade fire+ Poop= ^)

But it wasn’t, it was fact. Wanna know another secret? Well, first off, sorry to offend whoever is reading this (all five of you) but um, EVERYBODY FARTS TOO. Sorry, that wasn’t supposed to come off so violently. But it’s true.

I still remember the warm summer day when Jordan looked me in the eyes and said, “Girls don’t fart ‘cause that’s gross.” He said it as if he were saying, “Obama is the president”, Or, “I am in college and never call my little sister even though I know she misses me dearly.” Honestly, it was offensive. For him to think females were above the pleasure of tooting. Who did he think he was?

Lying has never been a thing I’ve spent too much time doing. It’s just burdensome. So, I would like to refute any lies you’ve been told about females and the expulsion of gases from their rear ends by simply saying: we do. Girls fart. At least I do. I hope this isn’t too much information at once. I hope I’ve not spoiled you’re entire view of the whole female population. I hope you don’t go out and throw yourself out of window* because you are appalled by the sudden rush of your entire universe being turned upside down. But, as they say, the truth hurts.

And another thing, why is admitting to something that everyone does so shameful?

Is it shameful that I hurt and feel pain? That I’ve cried myself to sleep at night? That I’ve sworn and said awful things to people? That I’m selfish, and cowardly, and small?

I’m definitely not proud of it, but I’m human. It’s just a thing. I am a sinner, just as much as the next guy. I have done, I am doing, and will do awful things, until the end of time. I am continuously working to be, and do better.

But I digress, because that isn’t the point. The point is that I worry.

I worry that if we cannot admit to doing the things we cannot control, can we admit to doing the things that we do control? Because if we aren’t honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with other people?  And if we cannot face the reality of who we are, how can we face the reality of what is all around us? Think about it.

Want an unpacked statement? I do not believe that growth is possible until we, first and foremost, admit to farting. Baby steps people, baby steps.

*defenestrate–

verb

throw through or out of the window; “When the girl farted, all the boys clogged their noses and defenestrated her!”